girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
