the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
