thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
