nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
