Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
