you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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