We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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