i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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