If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
