dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
