not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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