he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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