so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
