He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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