Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
