Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
