Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
