You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
