I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
