We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
