1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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