If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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