Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
do herpes really smell.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
