I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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