I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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