i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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