she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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