I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
