I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
