we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
