i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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