I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
