:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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