I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
