I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize