At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My dick has a subreddit
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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