When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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