You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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