my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
