twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I touched a dick in church today
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
