I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
