I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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