I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
