strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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