We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
