Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He shit in the fireplace
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
