He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
