I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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