No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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