Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
