i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I supernannyed him into submission
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
