I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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