I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
