i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
