Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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