I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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