ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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