About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was