Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
