she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
