the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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