i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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