someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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