that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
