physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
